TORQ Brexit Bar

We take to social media this evening to advertise our faux new TORQ Energy Bar, the Brexit Bar. We don’t particularly have an opinion on the Brexit matter, other than of course holding the view that if we don’t laugh about it, we’re going to cry!

The social media posts are headed with what we feel is a fabulous infographic (above) and then we go on to explain all about our new bar:

“The new TORQ Brexit Bar contains 52% crispy leaves and 48% succulent remainsins. Formulated by TORQ’s Performance Nutrition team to give the UK population the energy they need to cope with the stresses and strains of the Brexit process. These bars can be purchased by our European friends too, as long as we are able to ship them before the 31st of October, or they might get held up in customs? The ‘Organic Hellfire & Brimstone’ flavour and ‘Extra Messy’ formulation is bittersweet and complex – and we’ve almost finalised the recipe, we just need to get it signed off by the TORQ Brexit Committee. We’re taking pre-orders now and we might deliver before 31st October, or we might not ever deliver at all, we’re not quite sure at the moment!”

The whole thing is of course a shameless advertising stunt to draw the readers’ attention to a tempting offer on our TORQ Explore Flapjacks. We explain:

“Of course, we haven’t really formulated a Brexit Bar. We have however recently crafted three deliciously moist and syrupy Organic Explore Flapjacks. At half the fat of a regular flapjack and packed with useful energy, they are the perfect natural snack to keep you going, whether riding your bike, hiking or relaxing with a cuppa after a morning’s hard graft.

If you purchase a box of flapjacks (mixed boxes available) before the Brexit deadline on Halloween, not only will you get a 10% discount, but we will throw in a bag of luxuriously smooth TORQ Press Coffee absolutely FREE too. If there’s no Brexit on Halloween, we’re certainly not going to be extending this offer until January 31st!”

So if you feel sorry for solid British companies like us having to deal with all this shenanigans (or for yourselves you poor things), buy yourself a mixed box of our flapjacks, claim your free bag of TORQ Press Coffee and once we’ve delivered them to you, sit down with a luxurious cuppa and enjoy some homely TORQ organic loveliness and forget all about the Brexit thing for a few minutes. Click on the link below to view the offer:

TORQ Explore Flapjacks are also available to purchase from all over the UK in great Cycle, Running and Outdoor stores.